Tag Archives: selfcare

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Mud Holes & Getting Unstuck!

I Ain’t Stuck!

When I was in college, one of my good friends had a little Datsun car, I can’t remember what it was called, just that it was a little car that we would load up with four big ole country boys and head out to find swamp land somewhere in the Charleston, South Carolina area. We were looking for a place with some mud roads that we could get lost and stuck on. Once we located the biggest mud hole we could find, we would then drive that little car straight in, just as far as we could go, with the goal of making it through, but we were not at all heartbroken if we got stuck, because then the new challenge of getting unstuck became our focus and was really what we had the most fun doing and quiet honestly the reason that we were out there.

Now days, getting stuck is not so fun and getting unstuck can literally suck the life right out of you. You know what I’m talking about right? You finally seem to get your life headed in the right direction. You are cruising along, crushing goals and everything just seems fine and dandy. And then all of a sudden, out of no where, you come up on a mud hole. You decide to give it all and try to plough right through it, but sometimes even your best efforts leave you stranded and before you know it, you’re stuck. You try to get yourself out of the mess and ended up getting stuck even worse. Does it sound like I’m describing a real life scenario? Of course it does, because we’ve all been there and in fact, many of us find ourselves, sitting on the side of the road of life – tired, dirty, worn out and ready to give up…

Don’t throw in the towel just yet, because when life throws a mud hole in your direction, there are actually some steps you can take to get unstuck and maybe learn to enjoy the process along the way…

The next time you find yourself stuck, try a few of these steps, before you give up, give in and give out:

1. Learn From The Past And Let It Go! Whenever we got stuck, we had learned some tried and true methods that would work to help us get out. We had been stuck and gotten unstuck enough times to know that some things would work – like getting something under the tire, so we could get some traction. And some things wouldn’t work – like giving it more gas and just digging the rut deeper. In life, we all make mistakes and miss the mark. Learn whatever your mistake is supposed to teach you and move on. Stop digging your ruts deeper by overthinking your sins failiures and mistakes!

2. Change Your Perspective And See Things From A Different Point Of View! Whenever we got stuck, we would get out, survey the situation from all angles and then we would go to work. One of us pushing at the back wheel, one of us jumping up and down on the back bumper, one of us in the car, going from drive to reverse and one of us surveying the situation to see what we might be missing. I honestly can’t remember too many times that we couldn’t figure it out and if push came to shove and we were lost for ideas then out came what we called “THE COME ALONG” – a ratchet strap device that we would hook to the car and then to a nearby tree to tow ourselves out. Just remember that where there is a will, there is a way! Look at your life, challenge, mud hole as an opportunity to do things better and figure it out by looking at it from all points of view…

3. Get Some Help And Realize That You Were Never Intended To Do This Thing Called Life Alone! Every now and then as darkness began to approach, we would realize that we were out of ideas, strength and were probably left with only one option. And that was to call someone for help. If you’ve done everything you can, then there is absolutly nothing wrong with asking for help, in fact, that is what our Creator designed us to do. Pray about it, talk to others about what you are going through and then accept the help that is offered to you. I know it’s not easy asking or accepting help from others, but often times, it’s as big a blessing for them to help us as it is for us to receive their help.

Live life long enough and you are going to run into some mud holes and you are going to get stuck, don’t sweat it, learn to enjoy it, learn from it and move on down the road…

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Do You See What I See?

Working with students, faculty and staff on a daily basis, trying to provide spiritual leadership to a congregation and serving to meet the needs of others, means that I have a lot of opportunties to look into a lot of different sets of eyes. I get to look into eyes of all ages, races and backgrounds.

I have seen all kinds of “looks” looking back at me. Sometimes there is a look of love and appreciation for something I’ve done or said. At other times there is a look of pain, despair, frustration that comes from the individual not knowing what in this world they are going to do? There are almost as many different looks, as there are eyes to look at and be looked at by.

I love the eyes. I think they are one of God’s most amazing creations. I mean just the science of how it all works is more than my limited mind can grasp, but also the magnificence of the beauty and communication that flows from a set of eyes can literally take your breath away.

One of the reasons that I do not like texting conversations is because I cannot see the other person’s face. When I have a face in front of me, I can see the curve of their lips, the personality of their brow ad hear the silent communication of reality that flows from their eyes… Someone called the eyes – “Windows to the soul”, which I agree with and I think they are so much more.

Eyes are facinating, they speak a thousand languages, tell the deepest stories and reveal the most meanigul truth without speaking a word out loud. Charlotte Bronte put it this way in her classic “Jane Eyre” – “The would fortunately has an interpreter – often unconscious, but still a truthful interpreter in the eye.”

Pay attention to other’s eyes. Look and listen to what they are saying or maybe not saying??? Every now and then take a look into the mirror and allow yourself time to appreciate the very special gift of your own set of eyes and see if you can understand what they are communicating to you about you, your thoughts, ideas and feelings.

Thank you God for eyes to see and to communicate with and I pray that I might use mine to share your love and grace, as I take time to appreciate the opportunity to look into the eyes of others and know them in deeper and more meaningful ways. Wow – what a wonderful world…

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Be Happy!

Be Happy! It’s easier said than done, right? The truth is: Happiness is not really all that far off for most folks, if you just know where to look and what steps to take. I have seen people that the world would say: “They have everything going for them!”, and yet in spite of all their good fortune, they were miserable. And I’ve seen others that the world would ask: “How in the world can they keep going on?”, and yet despite their cataclysmic struggles, they seem to be some of the happiest people in the world. While it’s true that circumstances do have the ability to make happiness easier or more difficult to obtain, they are not the determining factor.

Scientist have invested a lot of money and spent a lot of time investigating how to obtain happiness and while they have made a lot of amazing discoveries, there still is no magic pill that can make it your reality. I too, have spent a great deal of my life chasing after happiness. There were times that I thought this or that relationship with just the right person would do the trick, but it doesn’t take you too long to realize that most everyone else is on the same journey as you. I have often fell into the trap that certain possessions, a bigger house, newer car, trendier clothes might be the fix, but they all just ended up leaving me hungry for more. I even thought that degrees, titles and prestige might do the trick, only to find that papers stack up, trophies and plaques get old, memories fade and still leave you empty and searching.

We spend most of our lives having our ego fed by the lie of all lies: The lie that says I am what I possess, what I do or what I think other people think of me. This lie causes us to chase after an elusive foe that will never be caught, but that will often get us caught up in messes that take us away from, rather than closer to the happiness we are searching for.

Now, let me state for the record that I am not an authority on happiness. I am simply one individual on a journey that has discovered a lot of what will not work and a handful of things that seem to be taking me in a more positive direction. I want to share just a few of those thoughts as we get ready to dive into 2020:

1.) To Find Happiness, Stop Looking Outside And Start Looking Inside! Most of us fill our schedules with so much activity that we have very little time for solitude, stillness and quiet time, which allows us to go within and do the “thought” work necessary to truly figure out what happiness is for us. If we don’t fill our schedules, then many of us, simply don’t take the time to pray, meditate and contemplate what is really important in life. This inability to make time for “INWARD WORK” robs us of the opportunity to take on and take out the negative thoughts that this world is continually bombarding us with. If we are not intentional about taking time to think, pray, journal and do inward work, then we will most likely never experience the happiness that we were created for and that was created for us.

2.) Take Time To Take A Breath! This may sound a little crazy, but breath is a very important part of life. The fact that we breathe in and breathe out without even thinking about it, is an amazing reality of our lives. Breath matters. Take time to think about your breathing. Acknowledge the miracle of breath coming into and out of your body. This reminds you that there is more to this life than just you. You have a Creator, Who created you as an amazing spiritual being that gets to experience this human life. When this thought really begins to take root in your life and thinking, you can’t help but to live life at a higher level and this contributes to helping you get into just the right place to experience the happiness you were created for.

3.) Practice Gratitude All Day, Everyday In Anyway You Can! I have found that an attitude of gratitude is the single quickest way to get myself adjusted and headed in the right direction. While there are many things that are not working the way I want them to, there are many things that are working better than I could dream or imagine. Often in my life I have focused on what I didn’t like, giving it all the power to call the shots in my life and missed out on all that I had to like, love and appreciate that I should have been empowering to take me in the positive direction I so desperately needed. To help me stay on the right track here are a couple of disciplines I practice on a daily basis: First thing in the morning, I say: “Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!” as my way of acknowledging I am not alone in this universe, that I have been created on purpose for a purpose and that I am grateful to my Maker for blessing me with another day. At some point during the day, I also take time to write down in my journal at least three things I am grateful for. I encouergage you to find ways to meaningfully express your gratitude, it really is a life changer.

Happiness is really not that far off and it is obtainable in your life, just start on the inside and work your way out and you will find happiness, if it doesn’t find you first!