The fourth of “The Five Love Languages” as descried by Dr Gary Chapman is “Acts Of Service“.  This is when we do something for someone that we know they would like for us to do for them!  We are not doing the act of service to get them to do something in return for us.  We are not doing the act of service to try and manipulate them.  We are doing the act of service as an expression of our love and appreciation for what they mean to our lives!

You may think that you are loving those around you with an incredible and amazing love, but the truth is:  It really does not matter what you think!  It not your thinking, but their perception that really matters!  If “Acts Of Service” is the love activity that rings your bell, please remember that it is not about demanding that something be done.  It’s all about making request!  Love does not demand!  In fact, when you make a demand, you take away the other person’s opportunity to respond in and with love.

A great way for couples to figure this one out, is to agree to make a request list.  Each person should make a list of five things that the other person could do that would help with the expression and feeling of love.  You then swap list!  Now you know what you can do to help the other person to feel loved!  Remember:  It’s not that you have to do these things, it’s that you get to do these things!

A good way to think about “Acts Of Service” is to think about dating.  Remember what it was like back when you and your special someone was dating.  You were willing to do all kinds of things to help that person to feel and know that they were special to you.  Ask yourself: What will make them happy and then do it!  What is one more way that you can say “I love you”?  Think about it and do something special to communicate your love today!

The third of “The Five Love Languages” that Dr. Gary Chapman talks about in his book is “Receiving Gifts”!  Most everyone I know, loves to receive gifts, but for those that this is their love language, the gift is about so much more.  When we give a gift, we are giving a tangible reminded that we someone can hold in their hands.  A gift given as an expression of love says that someone had me on their mind and took the time to think of me.  The gift’s value is not really the issue – the gift could be a flower from the yard, a hand made card and some small trinket that communicates love, thought and appreciation.  Some gifts will be purchased, some will be found and some will be made.  Try and express your love by giving gifts of all sorts for all sorts of occasions or for no occasion at all.

Start thinking about the people you love – make a list if it helps!  Now think about what you might give to these people that would tangibly express your love and appreciation for them!  If you are a spender, then buying gifts is probably not a challenge for you, so why don’t you make your gifts more special by finding or making something.  If you are a saver, then why don’t you find something and splurge every now and then on those that you love.  By reversing the roles every now and then you will keep your giving fresh and your love real!

Don’t forget the greatest gift that you can give is yourself.  So step outside of yourself and help someone discover happiness by putting something real in their hands that serves as a continual reminder of your love for them!

Gary Chapman tells us that the second love language of “The Five Love Languages” is QUALITY TIME!  We need to realize and understand that each of us have a set amount of time.  The fact is:  we all get twenty four hours a day!  What are you doing with your twenty four?  We need to start thinking of time as something that we INVEST!  Realize it or not, we are investing our time into something or someone every day!  We need to make sure that this investment of time is counting, having an impact and making a difference!

Here are just a few of the questions that we must answer, if we are going to be wise investors of our time:  What are who is getting your attention?  What is your life focused on?  What brings real meaning, fulfillment an happiness to your life?  What activities do you participate in that really matter and make a difference?  Quality time is undivided time!  When we invest quality time with those that we love – we make sure that they have our full and undivided attention.  Our attention is on them and their needs.  Our focus is on what they want to do.  Our meaning comes from bringing them pleasure.  Our activity is not that big of a deal – just make sure that it is something that the other person wants to do or be involved in!  (Remember:  This is about them, not you!)

Here are just a few ideas to Make Your Time Count:

Meaningful Conversation – We need to get back to talking, really talking and getting to know one another through conversation.  Next time you are spending some quality time with someone that you love – take time during the conversation to share (give and receive) experiences that have made a difference in your day.  Share thoughts that build up and add value to the person you are sharing with and share the desires of your life – what you would like to see, do and experience.  Don’t interrupt the other person when they are sharing, practice really listening and remember it’s not about you providing a solution, your goal is understanding!

Maintain eye contact!  (The people that we love have amazing eyes – enjoy them!)  Don’t listen and do something else at the same time, even if you can!  (This is about quality, undivided time and attention!)  Listen for feelings!  (Most people camouflage how they feel with the language that they speak – learn to listen to and through the words and you can really get to know those that you love!)  Observe body language!  (It’s amazing how much we speak without saying a word at all!)

The bottom line:  It’s all about just being together and enjoying each other!  Take some time to make your time count today!