A good while back I lost a friend!  In fact it was one of my best friends.  I am not really sure what happened, and this has been one of the most difficult parts of the whole thing!  I asked if there was something I had done, because I was more than willing to face up to it, admit it, seek forgiveness and begin the process of rebuilding, but was told there was nothing.  I know it takes two to make and keep a friendship and I know I am responsible for at least half of this one falling apart.

It just did not make any sense!  One week we were talking, enjoying life together and the next week “BAM” nothing!  We still talk from time to time, but it is just not the same and I feel absolutely powerless to do anything about it.  It has been several months and I have worked through the hardest part of this – I think!  I truly do miss the friendship more than words can say, but I know that life for both of us has to go forward.

A couple of weeks ago, I was cutting grass, where I do some of my best thinking and listening to the Lord!  I was thinking about this lost friendship and the emotional roller coaster that I had been on for the past few months and I finally accepted the fact that the friendship was over at least from the “best friend” status.  It’s not that we are not friends, we are, well kinda – it’s really more like acquaintances now.  It’s not that I don’t want to be a friend, it’s just that it takes two and even then, it’s a lot of hard work and it just seems that the other person is not really interested!

As I was thinking back over the conversation and interaction that I had with this person after the changing/ending of the friendship, I realized that I had said, thought and acted in some unfriendly ways over the past few months.  I really miss the friendship and it hurts my heart that it had to die!  That’s it – Our friendship had died!  I had not been able to get a grasp on it until now, but this was the emotional roller coaster that I had been riding on!

I remember in seminary learning about the Kubler-Ross Model or the Five Stages Of Grief.  I actually had to travel through each of these stages to accept what had happened with this friendship.  On this day of cutting grass and thinking – I began to complete the final stage – ACCEPTANCE!

Here are the stages that I travelled through upon the ending/death of the “best friendship”:  (BTW – I had no idea that I was working my way through these stages as it was happening.  In fact, there were some days that I had no idea what was happening to me!)

Stage One – Denial & Isolation!  At first, I just could not believe it!  In fact, I refused to believe it.  I thought this is just a phase – we have been through too much together.  We will get through this (whatever this is)!  I tried to block out that something was wrong.  I just wanted to ignore it, with the hopes that it would go away and things would return back to normal.  I eventually began to isolate myself and try to not allow myself to be in situations that required my thinking about it!  I eventually moved out of this stage and into the next one!

Stage Two – Anger!  I was hurt.  I felt abandoned, rejected, used.  To deflect everything and everyone away from my vulnerable core, I expressed anger in a variety of different ways.  I am not generally an angry person, but anger kicked in with an effort to protect me from the pain that I was living with.  The anger did not last long and I am glad, because I just can’t live life that way.

Stage Three – Bargaining!  I wanted to fix this!  I went to the person on several occasions and asked if they would please explain to me what was going on.  They had nothing for me.  There response was:  “It’s not you, it’s me!”  I was willing to do almost whatever I needed to do.  I prayed, talked to others and replayed the scenarios over and over again through my mind which eventually took me to a dark place.

Stage Four – Depression!  I did not know it and I certainly did not want to admit it, but my heart was broken.  My life – while filled with many good things, was also filled with sadness and regret.  Regret for what had been lost.  Regret for what seemed like wasted time.  Regret for more reasons than I care to list on paper.  I actually wrote a poem which I posted on the blog around the time that I was working my way out of this depression.  The poem is called “The Voice!” and can be found here http://wp.me/p64uI-yI

Stage Five – Acceptance!  That day on the lawn mower, I finally came to the place where I realized that this is just the way it is going to be.  If I could do something about it, I would certainly try, but I can’t without the help of the other person, so this “best friendship” is dead.  (It still feels strange to say it out loud!)  I am not happy about it’s death, but this is reality and I have a life to live, ministry to perform and new friendships to pursue.  (I don’t won’t that to sound cold, because I still grieve the loss of the friendship, but I accept it as reality and will do my best to not let it keep me from being who God created me to be and doing what God created me to do!)

Maybe one day our lives will intersect in that truly special way again and maybe they will not.  I am not closed to it, but I am also not going to waste any negative energy on it.  I have too much to offer and a calling to fulfill!  I thank God for what was shared and the blessing that it was at the time!  (For me, it was a very good thing and my life is better because of the friendship!)  The Bible puts it this way:  “A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.”  Proverbs 17: 17

If you have ever experienced the grief that comes from loss, then I am sure that you can relate and I hope this helps as you work your way through your own stuff!  I share this because I want you to know that you can love God, love people and still have problems, challenges and pain.  Life does not always work out the way that you want or the way that you plan, but it does always work out.

You may find that you have to work and live through some tough stuff, but God is with you and He will never leave you or forsake you!  Hang in there, work on yourself, serve others and glorify your Creator!  God Bless & Press On!

When the moment of challenge and the decision to face the challenge intersect, there is an initiation of release that allows life to take you to a place that you have never been before!  Live life long enough and you will find that you are almost continually facing challenges.  They come in all shapes and sizes and from all directions.  There will be times that you are up to the challenge and there will be other times that you are not, but don’t lose hope, where there is even the smallest amount of will, there is a way.  A way to face, overcome and grow from the challenges of life!

In facing challenges, one key thought to remember is:  You seem to gravitate toward what you focus on!  If you focus on defeat, it will surely pull you in its direction.  If you focus on success, then you can plan on heading in that direction.  You determine your focus!  Do not relinquish that most important decision to anyone or anything else!

Another helpful thing to remember when facing a challenge is this:  The greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth, benefit and blessing!  Some challenges are small and do not require much from you, but they will still reward you!  Some challenges are big and they will require all you’ve got and then some.  Just remember it is the facing and overcoming of the big challenges that payout big dividends!

The next time you find yourself facing a challenge, remember this:  For every problem there is a solution!  Write down your challenge or problem, so you can see it and begin to think about it clearly!  Now as you think about your problem, write down possible solutions – anything and everything that comes to mind, even if it seems silly.  Now make a plan, look for family and friends who can and will help you and plow ahead!  Execute the plan!

Challenges create opportunities, but to take advantage of the opportunities, you have to face the challenge!  You can do this!  It’s what you were created for!  Go for it!  And remember:  You are never alone!

A Little Different!  I really do enjoy blogging.  It is kinda therapeutic, in that it allows me to think through my life as I live it.  I hope that you have enjoyed the things that I write about.  I always try to share things that will motivate and encourage you to live your best life.  I believe that God created each of us as something really special and I belive that He has amazing plans for each of our lives.

One of the major goals that I have in life is to try to help to make other people’s lives better.  I believe that God has called, gifted and equipped me for this purpose.  The reason I do all of the things that I do is because I have learned that real fulfillment comes when my life brings glory to God and my life brings glory to God when I am doing what He created me for!

I have been at it for a long time, but feel that I am just now beginning to get the hang of it!  I have never really been comfortable in the role that I have been cast.  I often feel totally inadequate to say and do the things that God leads me to say and do!  But obedience is more important than feeling, so I plow forward with the hope that I am pleasing to Him and a blessing to others.

I have been very fortunate to be blessed with a lot of ideas, strategies and wisdom that can help to make life and it’s living much more meaningful.  My goal for this blog over the next several months is to try to provide you with tools that will assist you in reaching the goals that God has for your life!

I hope you will come back and join me everyday.  I will try to post everyday and may actually post several times throughout the day as the Spirit gives me direction!  Thanks so much for reading, sharing and being a part of my life!