You know, there’s an old saying that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. I’ve always thought that’s a fine bit of wisdom wrapped up in a folksy phrase. The truth of the matter is, you can’t help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves. And trying to do so is like trying to shovel smoke with a pitchfork in the wind.

Mark Twain said: “Never argue with a fool; onlookers may not be able to tell the difference,” and he was right. There’s a fine line between being a friend and being a fool. If someone’s determined to keep tripping over their own two feet, no amount of your good intention is gonna get them to stand upright. It’s like trying to teach a pig to sing—wastes your time and annoys the pig.

A person has to find their own way in the wilderness. I’ve learned through my own challenges to see the beauty in the struggle. The journey starts with the first step, and that step has to be yours. You can’t drag a soul up a mountain and expect them to appreciate the view. No, they’ve got to sweat, toil, and maybe even bleed a little to see the sunrise the way it was meant to be seen—with their own two eyes and a heart full of understanding.

Loving someone means letting them learn to love themselves enough to want better. It’s not about abandoning them in their hour of need; it’s about standing firm in love while they figure out how to stand on their own two feet. Sometimes that means letting them stumble, letting them fall, because it’s in the getting back up that they find out what they’re made of.

See, there’s a balance to be found—a line between offering a hand and carrying someone who’s unwilling to walk. We can love folks through their hard times, we can encourage them, pray for them, and guide them, but we can’t do the work for them. That’s their path, their walk, their mountain to climb.

So, don’t wear yourself out trying to help someone who won’t help themselves. Offer a hand, lend an ear, speak truth in love, but remember—you’re not their savior. They’ve got to pick up the pieces of their own life and start building something worth living for. And when they do, well, that’s when you’ll see a transformation that’s truly something to behold.