Michael Joe Harvell

The fourth of “The Five Love Languages” as descried by Dr Gary Chapman is “Acts Of Service“.  This is when we do something for someone that we know they would like for us to do for them!  We are not doing the act of service to get them to do something in return for us.  We are not doing the act of service to try and manipulate them.  We are doing the act of service as an expression of our love and appreciation for what they mean to our lives!

You may think that you are loving those around you with an incredible and amazing love, but the truth is:  It really does not matter what you think!  It not your thinking, but their perception that really matters!  If “Acts Of Service” is the love activity that rings your bell, please remember that it is not about demanding that something be done.  It’s all about making request!  Love does not demand!  In fact, when you make a demand, you take away the other person’s opportunity to respond in and with love.

A great way for couples to figure this one out, is to agree to make a request list.  Each person should make a list of five things that the other person could do that would help with the expression and feeling of love.  You then swap list!  Now you know what you can do to help the other person to feel loved!  Remember:  It’s not that you have to do these things, it’s that you get to do these things!

A good way to think about “Acts Of Service” is to think about dating.  Remember what it was like back when you and your special someone was dating.  You were willing to do all kinds of things to help that person to feel and know that they were special to you.  Ask yourself: What will make them happy and then do it!  What is one more way that you can say “I love you”?  Think about it and do something special to communicate your love today!

The third of “The Five Love Languages” that Dr. Gary Chapman talks about in his book is “Receiving Gifts”!  Most everyone I know, loves to receive gifts, but for those that this is their love language, the gift is about so much more.  When we give a gift, we are giving a tangible reminded that we someone can hold in their hands.  A gift given as an expression of love says that someone had me on their mind and took the time to think of me.  The gift’s value is not really the issue – the gift could be a flower from the yard, a hand made card and some small trinket that communicates love, thought and appreciation.  Some gifts will be purchased, some will be found and some will be made.  Try and express your love by giving gifts of all sorts for all sorts of occasions or for no occasion at all.

Start thinking about the people you love – make a list if it helps!  Now think about what you might give to these people that would tangibly express your love and appreciation for them!  If you are a spender, then buying gifts is probably not a challenge for you, so why don’t you make your gifts more special by finding or making something.  If you are a saver, then why don’t you find something and splurge every now and then on those that you love.  By reversing the roles every now and then you will keep your giving fresh and your love real!

Don’t forget the greatest gift that you can give is yourself.  So step outside of yourself and help someone discover happiness by putting something real in their hands that serves as a continual reminder of your love for them!

Gary Chapman tells us that the second love language of “The Five Love Languages” is QUALITY TIME!  We need to realize and understand that each of us have a set amount of time.  The fact is:  we all get twenty four hours a day!  What are you doing with your twenty four?  We need to start thinking of time as something that we INVEST!  Realize it or not, we are investing our time into something or someone every day!  We need to make sure that this investment of time is counting, having an impact and making a difference!

Here are just a few of the questions that we must answer, if we are going to be wise investors of our time:  What are who is getting your attention?  What is your life focused on?  What brings real meaning, fulfillment an happiness to your life?  What activities do you participate in that really matter and make a difference?  Quality time is undivided time!  When we invest quality time with those that we love – we make sure that they have our full and undivided attention.  Our attention is on them and their needs.  Our focus is on what they want to do.  Our meaning comes from bringing them pleasure.  Our activity is not that big of a deal – just make sure that it is something that the other person wants to do or be involved in!  (Remember:  This is about them, not you!)

Here are just a few ideas to Make Your Time Count:

Meaningful Conversation – We need to get back to talking, really talking and getting to know one another through conversation.  Next time you are spending some quality time with someone that you love – take time during the conversation to share (give and receive) experiences that have made a difference in your day.  Share thoughts that build up and add value to the person you are sharing with and share the desires of your life – what you would like to see, do and experience.  Don’t interrupt the other person when they are sharing, practice really listening and remember it’s not about you providing a solution, your goal is understanding!

Maintain eye contact!  (The people that we love have amazing eyes – enjoy them!)  Don’t listen and do something else at the same time, even if you can!  (This is about quality, undivided time and attention!)  Listen for feelings!  (Most people camouflage how they feel with the language that they speak – learn to listen to and through the words and you can really get to know those that you love!)  Observe body language!  (It’s amazing how much we speak without saying a word at all!)

The bottom line:  It’s all about just being together and enjoying each other!  Take some time to make your time count today! 

Today – Words Of Affirmation!

Gary Chapman wrote a classic when he wrote “The Five Love Languages!”  It is one of the most read and best advice books on making relationships work that I have ever read!  I think that every person should read this book and learn what their personal love language is and start looking to discover the love languages of the people that God has put around them for relationship!  We all have a love language – that is – we all have a way that love is best expessed to us and experienced by us!  According to Dr. Chapman there are five love languages and I want to spend a few moments encouraging you to love those around you this week with all five!

The first love language is called “WORDS OF AFFIRMATION!”  We communicate our love to others with words of affirmation by seeking to verbally build the person up rather than tearing them down!  This is a tough one now a days, because the world we live in is often negative, pessemistic and destructive.  Take some time today to make a list of some of your most important relationships!  With that list in mind – come up with some creative ways to communicate your love for these people by using positive words of affirmation that build up and encourage.  Think about what you like and appreciate about these people.  Ask youself:  “What and who do I often take for granted?  Make some calls, go out for some lunches, write some notes and make some visits with the purpose of using your words to build up those very special people that God has put around you!

-Are you where you want to be and are you doing what you believe God created you to do in life?

-Have you taken time to seriously pray and reflect on your goals and what they need to be?

-When will you take the time to write down your goals for clarity and accountability?

-What measurable action have you taken that moves you away from where you are and toward the goals God has given you?

Each one of us have a definition of success.  A picture of what we think success looks like and feels like.  The problem with most of our definitions, is that we have borrowed them from someone else, they are not really our own!  We need to take some time to think about what it means for us to be happy, fulfilled and successful!  What does it mean for you?  What does it look like?  What does it feel like?  Take a few moments to fill in the following statements:

*I experience fulfillment, happiness and success in my life when…

*I experience fulfillment, happiness and success in my family when…

*I experience fulfillment, happiness and success in my job or ministry when…

Success and failure are not accidents, they are consequences!  When you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!  When you take the time to put together a plan for your life and work that plan, you will experience some success!  God has given us all that we need -what we do with it – is our choice and will determine our judgment!

Do you ever just stop and take the time to think about what it would take to really make you happy?  Most of us are not really that far off from happiness!  We just need to take the time to figure out what it is that would get us there.  Once we get this figured out – it is usually just a few simple adjustments in our living that carry us to the place that our Creator created us for.  I think that most of us think about thinking about what would make us happy.  I think most of think about we could and should do something about it, but that is just about as far as most of us ever get – we think about it!

Stop thinking and start answering the question:  What do you want?  What is it going to take to get you to that special place that God has created for you?  Once you answer the question – get busy chasing down and catching whatever it is!

Most people do not think about service when they think about success!  But success comes best and fastest when we learn to serve!  Service is the best conduit that I know of to usher success into our lives!  Success Occurs When We Give Our Maximum Service To God!  We need to understand that success is okay.  Success is not a bad thing and we don’t need to be scared of it!  Success does not happen by accident and no one will force it upon you.  Success is voluntary and each of us have been given permission by our Creator to be successful!

Success is about more than obedience and good living.  Success is about an abundant life that flows out of our service to others!  It is about having an intentional approach to life that ensures that we are faithful stewards of the gifts and talents that God has given us!  To be faithful stewards our actions need to be deliberate, measurable, purposeful, prayerful and planned!

Successful people do not live life by accident.  They live life deliberately – making decisions based on the projected outcome!  Figure out your outcome and pursue it deliberately every moment of every day!  Successful people have learned to measure their progress or lack of progress.  Always know where you are and where you are going!  Successful people live on purpose for a purpose.  Live life according to God’s plan and you will never be disappointed!  Successful people realize that they can’t do it by themselves and they were never created to try!  Talk to God about what is going on and were you are going!  Successful people plan their work and work their plan!  If you fail to plan, then you can plan to fail!

When you serve God – you are really serving yourself and your best interest – so what have you done for God lately?

How many parents would say to their child – “I sure hope you mess up and fail big time today!”?  I hope that we would not know of any such parents.  Parents want their children to grow and succeed in every area of life.  No parent wants their child to settle into a life of mediocrity.  We see in our children with an almost unlimited potential.  We know in our hearts that there is so much that they can do and be, if they will just believe in themselves and give life their all!

Just as you want you child to experience success and not failure, our Heavenly Father wants us as His children to succeed in this life and the life to come!  We must believe and buy into this amazing truth!  Success occurs for those that truly believe that God wants them to succeed!  God has a plan for you life and it is a plan for you to be happy, fulfilled and blessed!  You and I need to believe in this plan and believe that we can tap into it!

God wants you you to reach your potential and contribute to the world!  Not a one of us would ever pray a prayer and ask God to allow our lives to fall apart!  When we pray, we ask God to be with us, help us, give us strength and allow us to achieve victory.  If we are going to have this amazing life that we pray for and that God wants us to have, we must take some steps that we help us to get there!

Step One:  Set Goals!  Where is it that God wants to take you and where is it that you want to go in this life?  Your goals help you to know how are going to get there!  Step Two:  Build Confidence!  When you begin to set and reach goals, you begin to see that more is possible than you realized!  You can do this thing!  Step Three:  Strive For Greatness!  You are a child of the Most High God – never settle for anything less than God’s absolute best!  Step Four:  Improve Your Self Image!  As a child of God you and your life matter, never forget it and never take it for granted!

Take some steps today to believe what God says about you!

Success occurs when you take the time to figure our what’s important!  You and I have to take some time and ask ourselves some questions, if we are going to figure out what our goals are!  What does success mean to you?  It is different for everybody!  What does it mean for you?  What would your life look like and be like, if you were successful?

The most successful people in life have figured out what they want to become and what they want to achieve!  God want’s each of us to be successful and I believe that there are at least five principles of Godliness that lead to our being the success that He has created each of us to be!  They are focus, hard work, growing relationships, perseverance and blessings!  We need to focus our lives and head in the right direction – what is the point of wandering through life aimlessly?  We need to work hard and smart because this is the primary place that we find personal fulfillment!  We need to pursue and cultivate growing relationships, because we were not created to do life by ourselves!  We need to persevere, because God gives us the strength to face and be victorious in anything that the world might throw our way!  We need to bless and be blessed, because God created us so that He could bless us and use us to bless others!

You have a choice to make – you can live life according to circumstances and excuses or you can live life according to purpose!  Figure out what your purpose is and pursue with everything that you’ve got!  How do you define success?  Take and make the time to figure this one out and it will change your life!

Success occurs when you develop and chase after the right goals!  First, we must realize and accept that God wants each of us to succeed!  Second, we must take the time to think about what success means at this time and place in our lives!  Third, we must develop a set of goals that will cause us to move toward the success that God has for us!

Realistic goals help us to live life on purpose!  The people that I know that are happy and fulfilled are people that set and reach goals!  We should set goals in every area of our life!  A goal is an invitation to get better and do better!  To set goals effectively, we must take some time to think through and about our lives – where they have been and where they are going!  We need to exercise our brains and think about what it really means to move forward into the places of blessing that God has created for us!  As we set goals in the different areas of our lives, we will discover an internal motivation that pushes us toward a permanent and growing success!

Goals are important because they help shape the future on purpose, rather than by accident!  Goals help you to live life, which is much better than managing life!  Goals provide you with a continuous source of motivation!  Goals will help you to stay focused, so that you can concentrate on what is really important!  Goals will help you to make better decisions and quicker decisions, because you have something to base you decision on!  Goals will require you to be confident in their setting and will cause you to grow in confidence in their achievement!  Goals are the only way I know to create an amazing future right now in the present!  Goals help you to control change, rather than allowing change to control you!  Goals help you to become aware of opportunities and give you the clarity of mind to take advantage of them!  Goals help you become the person that God created and gifted you to become!

Take some time to develop the goals and chase after some meaningful goals in your life.  It will grow you, bless others and honor God!